Healthy dating tips
You will make the other person nervy if you go into girlfriend/boyfriend mode when you’ve not established whether you’re in a relationship or in fact don’t even know them. This creates a dangerous, imbalanced relationship that is difficult to recover from. There are some people who won’t live up to the hype they created on the first few dates.Be careful of getting dazzled by someone and in awe of them as it may make you blind to the reality plus it puts undue pressure on them creating expectations that they cannot live up to. Don’t spend from here to eternity trying to recreate that ‘persona’ that they exhibited as some people are very good at putting on a performance at the start but quickly fade into the ‘real’ them. If someone is saying that they want to get to know you by getting your knickers down, they’re not trying to get to know you.
Sex whilst it can be very enjoyable confuses the hell out of things.If what you saw has disappeared that quickly, trust me when I say it wasn’t real. They’re trying to charm and disarm you so that they can shag you. Dating doesn’t require you to be blind, whether it’s to the reality of someone or to your own needs.For you to have a sense of who they are, the relationship or the possibility of one, and whether it feels good for you, you need to be capable of engaging with them with your eyes and ears open.All that someone who you feel a physical/sexual attraction to when you know nothing about their character or suitability tells you is that you are horny based on their appearance and the illusion of what they they have sex with you. Never date until you have reduced your baggage to hand luggage. Getting out there and meeting people like they used to do in ‘olden times’ (the time before t’internet), is still the most effective way. In fact, you have no real reason to talk about your ex on the first few dates.Oh and of course it’s not fair on the people you’re dating! If you are going to date online, you need the hide of a rhino, good detective skills, and a willingness and ability not to let your imagination run wild. The reason is if there is something about your ex that is vitally important that they know. If you’re already making exceptions for someone you are dating, it is a sign of not so great things to come.If you want to be with somebody who treats and regards you with love, care, trust, and respect, make sure that you also do these for you. Get rid of anyone who only communicates with you via text message. You’d be surprised how many people get asked out by attached people! Somewhere between date one and three, you need to clarify that the person is single and that they are not married, with somebody, living with an ex, just separated, long-term separated etc.
If you don’t know the answer to these questions, as in you have and clarified, or you are afraid to ask, do not pass GO.
It’s very insincere behaviour made even worse if you are going to judge the other party if they accept your offer. Someone could be The Nicest Person In The Universe TM but if you have little in common on both the interests and core values front, that is OK.
If you don’t believe in paying on the first date, don’t reach. The only way you can discover if someone shares the same values as you is by spending the time and getting to know them. You don’t have to be with someone just because you think they’re really nice.
You’re clouding your judgement by drawing misplaced conclusions about people. Get a life with some variety that opens you up to meeting new people and having new experiences. It’s not easy out there today and too many people seem to think they have too much choice causing them to behave as if everyone is dispensable.
Examine your generalisations and preconceived ideas. You are not going to meet someone doing the same hard and fast routine day in day out, week in, week out. Nonetheless you will have to work on keeping the faith even though some days, weeks, or even months will be more wearying than others. Do not expect from people what you are not capable of being and doing yourself.
If you have sex before you get to know someone or as a of getting to know someone, it will cloud your judgement and is likely to put you in The Justifying Zone, that special mental place that we go to when we sexually or emotionally invest too soon and look, or should I say, scratch around, for reasons to justify the initial investment because we don’t like to think that we’ve slept with someone who is not appropriate for us. This period is for you to learn about the other party even if what you learn spells the end of your involvement. Contrary to popular opinion, the key thing that you need to discover is whether you share common core values – this is what will take you from dating into a bona fide relationship. While I appreciate that you’ve got to get out there and meet people, it shouldn’t be done to the exclusion of having a life otherwise every date will carry more meaning and weight than is warranted. It may feel like the best thing to do is jump back into the saddle after a break up but if you haven’t given yourself time to get over it, you are likely to end up sabotaging your dates.