Good questions to ask when you first start dating
I pulled these questions from a checklist in my book, where I include three entire chapters to hands-on checklists and inventories about your love life. What are the three most important characteristics to look for in a partner?Men and women have the hardest time with this issue, as they’re usually too focused on sex appeal and personality ‘sparks,’ and focusing too little on the factors that actually matter the most.
If you’re lucky enough to be spend much of your life with someone who has those qualities, you are going to have years of happiness and peace ahead of you.How sexually attracted should a person feel toward a prospective partner at the beginning of a relationship?If I could jump through the computer screen for emphasis, I would do it to underscore the importance of this issue. I spend a lot of time working with clients who believe that they need to feel that excited ‘spark’ when they first meet someone, or otherwise they know in their bones that they’d never want to be in a relationship with the new person. In fact, if you’re someone who has a history of feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in your relationships, you need to walk when you meet someone witi whom you feel a serious spark.What is the primary purpose of a romantic relationship?It took many years of studying psychology and working with clients to get to the bottom of this one.At the end of that time period, you’ll have your answer, and that answer should determine whether it’s time to stay or go.
If you have kids, it gets more complicated, but remember that kids can sense when their parents are unhappy together, and that’s not a great model to expose them to as the kids grow up.
Good relationships start with good decisions, and evaluating your beliefs about relationships and love before you start a relationship is the most important thing you can do.
You must be sure that your expectations are realistic in order to have a happy and functional long-term relationship, and I’m including a quick cheat-sheet below you can use to do a little self-exploration in the romance department.
Good relationships, at root, allow each partner to feel accepted, while bad relationships often involve trying to change your partner.
In bad relationships, men and women spend much of their time feeling frustrated, sad, angry, or resentful.
In such cases, the spark signifies that there is a part of you that is afraid that you couldn’t ‘get’ him or her to be with you, which triggers excitement and the attempts to try to prove to yourself that you’re good enough to get him or her to be with you.